Resilience isn't being tough
Matt Ward
A few years back, I attended a talk by some sports scientists who had been part of an expedition to climb Everest. They shared fascinating insights about what resilience meant to the elite climbers they worked with.
One story stuck with me: one of the mountaineers described battling fierce winds, wrapped tightly against the storm, hearing nothing but his own breathing and the pounding of his heart.
For them, resilience wasn’t just about “bouncing back,” a term we often hear. Instead, they called it “bounce-beyond-ability”—the ability to push past previous limits and achieve the extraordinary.
Now, I’m not an elite climber, and I’m guessing most people reading this aren’t either! But from my work with people striving to build resilience, I’ve realised something important: the idea that resilience is about being tough—about gritting your teeth and bouncing back—isn’t just untrue, it’s unhelpful.
When we operate in “tough mode,” we keep pushing forward, trying the same methods over and over, even when they’re not working. We become rigid in our thinking, unable to tap into the creativity we all have. This rigidity leaves us frustrated, drained, and stuck because we believe that’s what resilience is supposed to look like.
Here’s a secret: it’s not. Toughness often leads to brittleness, and brittle things break far more easily than things that can flex and bend.
True resilience is about being flexible. It’s about adapting, finding new ways to approach challenges, and unlocking fresh, creative ways of seeing the world.
One of the most rewarding parts of coaching is witnessing that spark of insight in someone—when they see a situation in a new way and start crafting a different approach. Those moments of clarity and growth are game-changers.
If you’re stuck in “tough mode,” I want you to know that change is possible. It’s not easy to shift gears on your own, and that’s where a coach can make a big difference. A good coach will help you explore your challenges, break free from feeling stuck, and guide you to new strategies that build real resilience.
So, if you’re ready to move beyond the hard slog of “tough mode,” I’d love to help you discover the strength and flexibility that true resilience brings.
